About Me

  • The Short.

    Over the last 5 years I saw my 21 year marriage slowly fall apart right before my eyes. The harder I tried to keep it together, the worse it got— until I learned what covert narcissism was, and then it all made sense. I have 2 teenage boys who keep me laughing. Oh, and my ex-husband’s dog, which he insisted he had to have, only to leave the dog behind.

    I’m sure you have stories like that too!

  • The Long.

    The last few years of my marriage were hell, between the gaslighting and rages behind closed doors. I questioned if I was in fact going crazy. I slowly saw my mental and physical health go downhill and found myself in the Emergency Room with loss of vision, diagnosed as “stress”. I’m grateful to the 3 close friends who work in the mental health field who calmly nudged me to look into Cluster B Personality Traits and Covert Narcissism. I thought I was alone, but the more active I became, I realized nothing could be further from the truth. I hear daily my own story repeated back in the lives of so many others.

    I also experienced family and friends who either didn’t understand the gravity of the abuse or didn’t want to acknowledge it. It was easier for them to look the other way. I think it would have been easier to explain to friends and family that I was abducted by aliens and spit out at Area 51, than trying to describe the manipulation and emotional abuse suffered at the direct hands of my “wonderful” husband.

    Approaching my divorce I didn’t have a clue what I was doing. I quickly learned the fun term “post-separation abuse” and found a thick community of people suffering the same. I began reading more than I did in college and listening to all the literature I could get my hands on.

    Don’t get me wrong, I consumed my share of divorce wine, but slowly started rebuilding. Another new term I learned: “traumatic growth.” Neato.

    I look at the abuse and divorce I experienced as a burning house that I was trapped in for more time than I care to admit. Once out of that burning mess I stood on the sidewalk and watched my past up in smoke. I wondered if I could run back into the fire and help others find a way out. I became a Certified High Conflict Divorce Coach and am active locally and on-line with individuals experiencing the loss of the life they once knew.

    I have needed to relearn behaviors that originally got me into the marriage I now left.

    My kids didn’t evaporate, even though I convinced myself they would at some point during this “season of divorce.” I made lemonade out of the lemons I was left holding — now with a splash of gin and a sugar rimmed glass.

Listen up.

The Covert Narcissism Podcast with Renee Swanson - Eleanor Marks & Renee Swanson unravel the things you thought were totally normal in your relationship with a covert narcissist but now realize they were not! December 1, 2024

The Covert Narcissism Podcast with Renee Swanson - Eleanor Marks & Renee Swanson discuss coercive control- a pattern of behavior used to dominate, manipulate, and control another person, typically in the context of intimate relationships. It is a form of emotional and psychological abuse that can also include physical or sexual violence but is often more subtle and sustained.  October 24, 2024

The Covert Narcissism Podcast with Renee Swanson - In this chat with Eleanor Marks and Renee Swanson, they address some questions brought to them in the Facebook group, Covert Narcissism Group. April 28, 2024

The Covert Narcissism Podcast with Renee Swanson - Eleanor Marks & Renee Swanson address more questions brought to them in the Facebook group: Covert Narcissism Group. One member asks about helpful things to know when dealing with an attorney who only understands the general ‘narcissist’ definition, but not all the underlying behavior issues that compose a covert narcissist. How do we address this with our attorneys? Another member asked about the actual leaving part, especially with kids. She asked for examples of exit plans and what the actual day or week look like. April 18, 2024

The EVOLUTION of PARENTING - Divorce is a difficult, often traumatic element of our society. For those involved, including any children in the middle, finding ways of getting through and moving on are some of the toughest relational dynamics we'll ever experience. Listen to Yarona and Eleanor discuss the aspects of this and how we can parent our kids in the midst of breaking and broken relationships. March 26, 2024

The Covert Narcissism Podcast with Renee Swanson - In this brand new series, Renee is doing a Q&A session with Eleanor Marks. We are answering questions that come directly from her Facebook group, Covert Narcissism Group. Today we begin with two questions; tips on help and recovery, and how to handle a child who is worried about hurting her father’s feelings. March 10, 2024

The Covert Narcissism Podcast with Renee Swanson - Today's episode is an interview with divorce coach Eleanor Marks. After living her own life with a covert narcissist and going through a divorce with two children, she now shares her own expertise with others to help on that journey. Whether you divorce or not, taking the scariness out of this option helps us to relax and make healthier decisions for ourselves and our children. If the thought of divorce has even entered your mind, her words of comfort and suggestions will prove to be incredibly helpful to you. August 31, 2023

The Covert Narcissism Podcast with Renee Swanson - Divorcing a covert narcissist is an unpredictable and terrifying endeavor. It is often full of manipulation tactics, controlling actions, deceitful communication, and much more. The journey is exhausting, overwhelming, and isolating. But you are NOT alone, and you ARE stronger than you know. April 6, 2023

What People Are Saying

“Eleanor is a graduate of the High Conflict Divorce Coach Certification Program. This eight-week, intensive course focuses on the difficult dynamics of high-conflict divorce and child custody battles. Our program focuses on the intricacies of post separation abuse and our coaches are trained that it only takes one toxic, abusive or personality disordered individual to create a high-conflict situation. Eleanor will be an amazing resource and advocate for those attempting to navigate the family court system. It was an honor to have Eleanor in our program and I look forward to cheering her on in her advocacy work.”

— Tina Swithin, CEO/Founder of the High Conflict Divorce Coach Certificate Program and One Mom’s Battle

 

“Eleanor was helpful for me realizing that I needed a new therapist for effective healing and did a great job keeping me focused. We discussed settling out of court options, documentation and how to keep on task with my attorney. I felt really good in talking with her and validating I am on the right path and doing a good job.”

— MaryEllyn/ Maryland

 

“Renee Swanson referred me to Eleanor during the darkest time of my divorce. I was living with my spouse during the divorce and in the middle of a custody battle and smear campaign that was much worse than anything I had imagined. Eleanor was very kind and empathetic; she knew what I was going through and she had a unique ability to help me feel at ease when it felt like explosions were happening all around me. Most importantly, Eleanor helped me keep a positive perspective, plan a path forward, and made herself available on those days when I desperately wanted to react vs. staying the course.”

-Matt/ Connecticut

“I have had the amazing privilege of working with Eleanor in my group coaching program for victims of covert narcissistic abuse. While she came in as a victim, her drive for peacefulness, genuineness and compassion was clear from the start. She transformed her own situation into one of value for others who were living this same nightmare. As a member of the group, Eleanor went above and beyond in providing support and care for her fellow members. I am SO excited to see where her journey takes her as a coach to help others who, like herself, have been trapped in an emotionally abusive marriage.”

Renee Swanson, Certified Life and Cognitive Behavioral Coach, Found of The Covert Narcissism Podcast, Author of Parenting With A Toxic Partner: Helping Our Kids Survive and Thrive Amidst Emotional Abuse

“Eleanor has been and is a great and sobering support as I struggle with the nightmare of having lived with and escaped a covert narcissist. After separation came the smear campaigns and struggle with co-parenting. Thanks' Eleanor for your support in steering me through this barren alien landscape.”

— Alexander/ Sweden

 

“I highly recommend Eleanor Marks if you are going through a high-conflict divorce. She talked to me about the emotional aspects of what I was going through, as well as helped me think through the actual mechanics of the divorce, like what should go into the parenting plan and how to survive mediation. We had an emergency meeting before my second round of mediation, and I credit her with helping me come up with a strategy that led to a favorable outcome by the end of the negotiations. She’s also just a really kind, respectful, thoughtful person, and made sure to check up on me at various points in the divorce process. ”

-SK/ Tennessee

“Having a divorce coach is essential, especially for stay-at-home moms dealing with a highly contentious spouse who seeks to undermine them. The value of knowledge and support cannot be overstated in such situations. I am eternally grateful to Eleanor for her intelligence and wisdom. She is incredibly generous with her time and possesses the compassion necessary to support someone during this emotionally charged period of life. Eleanor's advice and guidance were truly exceptional, and what made the experience even more remarkable was the sense of connection and support from a diverse group of individuals navigating similar struggles from all over the world. It truly felt like being part of an everlasting support network that truly understood and empathized with each other.” Michelle/Utah

“Eleanor & the group members support during my transition was VERY much appreciated, and you guys helped me get through a challenging feat! THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. I am in a much better place physically and emotionally, and the difference the transition has made in my son is amazing! He is so much more relaxed and free to be himself without repercussions. Your sessions were truly life changing.” Dee/Missouri

“Thanks so much for your time (and the extra time) this week. Listening to my story and validating my experiences helped more than you could know.  I feel much more prepared entering into discussions on the settlement with my attorney tomorrow. Can’t thank you enough for all of your words and guidance”

LW-Canada